all, inspiration

As I floated 

“The liquid engineers left the pool heater on too long, and at night, chlorine vapors rose above the plant life of the planet, and I imagined my flesh, being inside the pool, being warm, being protected, feeling gravity, but able to mock it as I floated.

Would you float with me now, if I asked you, would you jump in the pool and not even bother to strip? Could I strip you down, remove your clothing and we would fall inside the water together?

It scares me.

I don’t want to lose you. I don’t imagine ever feeling this strongly about anything or anybody ever again.

This was unexpected, my soul’s connection to you.

You stole my loneliness. No one knows that I was wishing for you, a thief, to enter my house of autonomy, that I had locked my doors but my windows were open, hoping, but not believing,
you would enter.”

— Douglas Coupland, Microserfs

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Amanda Palmer and Neil Gaiman
all, inspiration

Because love.

Amanda Palmer and Neil Gaiman

Amanda Palmer and Neil Gaiman

Yes, inside that Neil Gaiman’s head. Being with the woman he loves is more interesting than that.

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all, thoughts

Different standards

Again, going too far, hoping for too much. Setting unrealistic expectations, which don’t seem unrealistic because those are the standards I set for myself. Because my instinct is to be completely open, selfless and generous with the people I chose to connect with. Because I want everything and everyone to be their best selves, and combine to form something even greater than the sum of their parts together.

But it’s unfair to expect the same from anyone else. No one else cares or gives so much. I am an anomaly, not the standard. I have to pull myself back, not push others forward. I have to curb, not strive. I have to stop, retract, and equalize.

If I want to coexist with others, I have to be less than my ideal self. Pull my head out of the stars and set my feet on the ground, dig my toes and hands into the earth until my fingernails are black and my skin is rough and smeared. I have to be the lowest common denominator.

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