all, thoughts

Different standards

Again, going too far, hoping for too much. Setting unrealistic expectations, which don’t seem unrealistic because those are the standards I set for myself. Because my instinct is to be completely open, selfless and generous with the people I chose to connect with. Because I want everything and everyone to be their best selves, and combine to form something even greater than the sum of their parts together.

But it’s unfair to expect the same from anyone else. No one else cares or gives so much. I am an anomaly, not the standard. I have to pull myself back, not push others forward. I have to curb, not strive. I have to stop, retract, and equalize.

If I want to coexist with others, I have to be less than my ideal self. Pull my head out of the stars and set my feet on the ground, dig my toes and hands into the earth until my fingernails are black and my skin is rough and smeared. I have to be the lowest common denominator.

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all, thoughts

A pattern in the sky

Somewhere in this city, scattered about like so many lightning bugs in a summer garden, floating aimlessly then suddenly taking off into mad flight, are people connected to me. Our lives, zigzagging in patternless dashes, occasionally crossing and repelling away, drifting.

I think about our movements, always curious, always wondering if there’s a sense to how we come together. Is it nature, genetics, socio-political or economic patterns, or a million other coincidences driving us somewhere? Are we just space junk, bits of ancient planets broken off by asteroids billions of years ago, being pulled along on a trajectory drawn across the universe by gravity and time? We clink against each other, sometimes lightly, and sometimes powerfully, bouncing off, changing course, and continuing on.

It is now that I decide to be a space rock with a purpose. A comet blazing across the sky. An agent of change and a beacon of the universe. I will tear through stars and galaxies, lighting up the dark skies over planets at the dawn of their civilizations, prehistoric aliens looking up from their astral bonfires, making wishes on the dust tails burning in my wake.

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